Adoptee

They say I am obsessing

carrying it to far

By wanting to know my past

Admitting it left a scar

Move on with your life

They whispered in my ear

Leave it in the past

You can't make up theyears

You have a family

Why bother with them

You belong to us

Not with her or him

I'm NOT looking to replace

Or switch families

Just needing some answers

To solve my life' sMysteries

Does no one understand

The struggle I must face

Solving a puzzle

With pieces misplaced

Some have been burnt

Their clues left in ash

While others are buried

Accessible only with cash

weighed down by laws

Set up to protect

While politicians play games

With a noose around my neck

I know I am not alone

For thousands also seek

Adoptees shut off from their past

No paddles to forge the creek

We will not stop our search

Submit or retreat

Until the puzzle of our lives

Is one day complete

Why?

I have been haunted by a lifetime of "why's"

Are you haunted by the echo of your babies cries?

I have wondered what was in that heart of yours.

You have left me locked behind closed doors.

And what will I find within your soul-

Will two halves finally make a whole?

Are the answers hidden in your core-

or do I not matter to you anymore?

Were you filled with confusion, with rage

to let go of a life at such a young age?

How can I understand the plan

If I don't know where I began?

I look in the mirror hoping to see

a similar reflection stare back at me.

You can be anything inside my mind,

but can I accept the realities that I may find?

Do you want to remember me, or do the memories fade

Will you tell me I'm the most beautiful thing you ever made

Or would you look at me & only fret

because mine is an existance you'd rather forget?

And through it all something holds me back-

Afraid to forgo fiction or fact

Is it something for you that's to hard to face

even though my heart was yours in the first place?

And through all of these wondering years

have we grown strong enough to face our fears?

Am I similar to any creature you've known?

Would you want to know about how I've grown?

I never got a chance to say goodbye

And so I live a lifetime of "why ?"

There are so many things I need to know

for that is the only way that I can let you go.

The Journey Starts Now!!!

I have made the decision. It was not an easy one and I had to think long and hard about all the risks involved. I had to really think about if I was strong enough.

I am 30 years old and I am ready to take a step forward and begin my search for my birth mother. I am strong enough to face any bad news, any rejection....anything.

THE TIME IS NOW!